Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Mutism Would Come in Handy Right About Now

One important question for today: Why is it that every conference call starts off the same damn way? The moderator announces he/she is there, then silence...until six people all try to introduce themselves at the same time. It never fails. It goes down this way Every. Damn. Time. Then we wait awkwardly for one important person who unapologetically calls in late and then yells "HELLO?!?!" as if this is their very first experience with this new fangled technology called a telephone. Embarrassing. There's got to be a better way.

One more important question: Why the hell did God give me the power of speech? It creates some serious problems for me and everyone around me. For instance, while in the dentist chair recently I announced that "I am a compulsive swallower." My dentist is 18. And he turned purple. The nurse did her best not to laugh in my face by invoking some fake coughing. Horrible. What is wrong with me? I know why I said it, but its not worth defending here in print. It was just so wrong and then so awkward.

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