Monday, June 18, 2012

5 Reasons Never to Leave My Office During Lunch

I've gone underground for some time. Some might wonder if I've abandoned the blog altogether and the answer is a resounding: NO! Join Twitter and you'll see that @ADayinHeels is quite alive. Love Twitting, btw. Nevertheless, I started a blog and now have an obligation to keep it up. Apologies to my 1 registered follower who deserves a special shout-out for having guts enough to register: You ROCK, Tie One On!

Now that's out of the way and I can proceed to my real reason for logging in. I will add a little context on the off-chance that someone who doesn't/didn't work with me happens to stumble here and wants to know what the hell I'm talking about.

I work on the 21st (top!) floor of a downtown Boston office building. Four mornings a week, I leave my home and 2 screaming-smiling-hitting-hugging-crying-laughing toddlers (it's a crap shoot), spend about an hour driving 10 miles into downtown, pull into a bat cave (aka the underground garage), take 2 elevators up to the 21st floor, and stay there until the sun goes down and the lights go off and the world tells me that it's time to go home.  Then I restart the process, but in reverse. I take 2 elevator rides down, hop in my car, drive out of the bat cave, and return home to 2 sleeping-screaming toddlers (crap shoot again) and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. On most days, I bring my lunch to work as an attempt to eat well, stick to a budget, and avoid leaving my office...ever. Some might call it work-agoraphobia. I call it practicality. I'm working 2 full time jobs: One in the office 4 days per week and one at my home 3 days per week (plus nights over the other 4 days). There is no time for aimless chit chat in the hallways, or waiting on some dude to slap my lunch together in the cafeteria. And getting outside for a quick gasp of downtown Boston fresh air? Not a chance.

Today I forgot my lunch (baked salmon and sauteed spinach - yum!). Once my stomach started to growl loudly and the virtual chewing technique failed me, I had no other choice but to visit the bowels of my building...also known as the basement cafeteria. 

Here my top 5 reasons never to go there again:
  1. An elevator chuck full of interns pontificating on the likelihood that the Supreme Court will overturn the Affordable Care Act and what that means for Americans in...America. If I were in the right mood, I may have found these kids to be impressive. But today the elevator smelled like dirty laundry. Wrong mood.
  2. The annoying woman who wants you to respond to her latest "emergency" and is always lurking around in the cafeteria (what's up with that chick?).
  3. The creep in the sandwich line who eyes your low cut blouse while making small talk about subs. This is hilarious since I am an A+ cup who buys B cups for added "comfort". I thought A cups were allowed to wear low cut blouses? So much for that.
  4. Overhearing yet another Red Sox conversation between the lunchman and some bored patron with a weird fixation on baseball. Today its the media who are making the Red Sox suck. Last week it was Gisele Bundchen, and yes, I know she's married to Tom Brady who is a Patriot and not a Red Sock...but I can't control these loud talking baseball freaks who never complete their sentences.
  5. A "warm" fried eggplant and mozzarella wrap that is most certainly not part of Christie Brinkley's Healthy Rules to Live By and not warm. Argh!
Note to self for tomorrow:  Pack a lunch. Wear a high neckline. Bring smelling salts for the elevator, ear plugs for emergencies, and a disguise in case I ever forget my lunch again.

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